(Ok, so this is really a guide for grown-ups. Perhaps this can help you understand and talk with children about child-directed, psychoanalytic play therapy.)
Yes, it’s really true. All you’re asked to do is show up and PLAY. You can show me how to play with me if you want. There are no rules, except that we are safe.
This is really important for us, because I know that you can’t be expected to open up and play if you don’t feel safe. Because you’re a kid, I know that thinking and talking can be hard. We know that play is another good way of expressing yourself, and it can be safe and more fun than talking at your age. Don’t worry – I speak this “play language” too. When we play, you can act things out, explore feelings, and feel understood, and the cool thing is that this is happening in the background while we play. We have lots of great toys.
To me, they each mean something and help me understand what you’re working on in your life. But we can talk about those things when you’re older, when you’re expected to talk. For now, let’s stick to the toys. At the start, it is important that I get to really learn who you are, and where you come from, so that I can know how to be helpful. It is also super-important for you and your family to decide if I might be a good fit for you. I’ll meet with your parents for a long, boring interview and ask them lots of questions about you and the family. When you and I first meet, I’ll explain the rule (about safety) and I’ll try and get to know you a bit. I’ll ask questions about what you like to do for fun, what you like to eat, and other things. I’ll also ask you some funny questions that help me know how you think and feel. Then I’ll show you all of our toys. They’re all organized in bins so we know where to find things; everything will be in it’s right place each time. In the first session, we might even have time to start playing some!
When we play, a lot is going on, but most of it is behind-the-scenes. You’re choosing what we play with and how we play. I join in, and follow your lead. Because I’ve learned about you, the things I say and do in the play are chosen carefully. I’m always thinking about what might be going on, and what might help. Sometimes my play character, for example, will say just the right thing that your character needs to hear and learn words for, such as, “Ugh, I feel so tired of getting beat up. I don’t like feeling this weak and helpless!!!” Or, maybe I say the wrong thing and our characters battle it out. I might then say, “Oh, boy- I really messed up and said the wrong thing and you really let me know it. I’m so sorry.” There is no script, but it does help that I have done an assessment of you at the start.
If you’re wondering why you’d come to a place like this, maybe I can help. Kids ages 3 to teenager come here for lots of reasons. As is usually the case, it seems that you could use some special time in a safe place with a person who understands some things about what would help you feel better and keep doing your job (to grow!). It can be really nice to have this special relationship – different from that with parents or teacher – in an ongoing way. I’m sure you’re working on things, and we can work on these together, with play. We all want to feel better, and to do our job – which is, to GROW. Play therapy can help you do that.
It is also best when I can work with your parents on the side to help them be the best parents for you that they can be. Rest assured – we won’t ever use your time for that. When I meet with them, it also helps me know how things are going for you at home and at school. The more the grown-ups talk, the more you and I can focus on playing. By the way – I’ll let you know when the grown-ups meet.
So, don’t worry – you still have lots of time before you’re able to really talk about the hard things going on in your life, your big feelings, and your developmental drives. Your language right now is PLAY, and I speak it, too.
Dr. Matt Percy is a licensed clinical psychologist at Samaritan Center. He sees children ages 3 and older for play therapy and conducts psychological evaluations. He can be contacted at (206) 527-2266 x347 or mpercy@samaritanps.org.