Raising questions about the value of self-esteem can seem like modern blasphemy. So let me say up front that I am for it: Self-esteem is a positive attribute! Who has not witnessed the pain of shattered self-esteem in a friend who has lost love or a co-worker whose career has been derailed?

But the pursuit of high flying and unassailable self-esteem isn’t necessarily the golden road to mental health and happiness. Once proclaimed with certainty in schools and self-help seminars, the merits of self-esteem have been overstated. Especially when you consider the routes we take to keep a shiny and soaring self-esteem aloft: constant focus on competition, perfectionism, and narcissistic preoccupation.

There is a better way. A better model of healthy and sustainable self-regard. It is supported by research, and it is grounded in the wisdom of our faith traditions. It amounts to a practice of self-compassion as the principle for understanding and sustaining one’s worth. Failure and loss are the inevitable consequences of being human. One shares that condition with everyone else, no more and no less. And one offers oneself compassion in the unblinking awareness of that common experience of imperfection, just as one would offer compassion rather than condemnation to a friend.

A current researcher who has substantiated the claims for self-compassion is University of Texas-based psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff. Her experiments have substantiated the effectiveness of self-compassion, and she has gone further to refine tools for assessing one’s inclination to respond to one’s shortcomings with compassion rather than condemnation. Still further, she has developed a variety of ways to practice self-compassion as a route to health and healing. To get a brief intro to her work, check out her TED talk on youtube.com, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4

As I have come to advocate for the value of self-compassion—in contrast to a primary focus on self-esteem—I become aware that its roots extend into the depth of my faith. I understand that we, you and I, share a common humanity and a common dignity as God’s creatures. That dignity lies not in some perfection that we have realized but in the path that we ascend together, accepting ourselves and one another with compassion.

The acceptance with which we embrace ourselves, our wonderful and flawed selves, is neither resignation nor complacency. This is crucially important: self-acceptance is realistic and hopeful, positive and not cynical. We regard ourselves with love, even as we commit ourselves to continue striving to be our best. Central to Christian faith is the exhortation to love your neighbor as yourself, and insofar as we strive to show compassion to our neighbor, we do likewise for ourselves. Success in one is inseparable from pursuit of the other.

The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians that he discovered his strength in his own weakness, his wisdom in his foolishness. This is not doormat Christianity: Paul was not strong because he was weak; he was strong because he could acknowledge and accept that he had inescapable weaknesses and failings. In his humility—in compassionate self-acceptance—he gained towering strength.

And so it is with us. In our capacity for clear-eyed humility, we find strength. In our relationship to a providential God who embraces humanity and all creation in a spirit of loving acceptance, we find a foundation for our own self-acceptance. And a greater capacity to love and be loved.

The newest member of our clinical staff, Katie Geiser, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker Associate. We are tremendously excited to welcome her as a skilled clinician and a valuable addition to our cadre of child- and family-focused therapists.“My heart for this work lies in helping children, individuals, and families navigate the ups and downs that come with our movement through life”, attests Katie. She works with families and individuals, including youth and children. “I appreciate the opportunity to walk along side those I work with, supporting the journey of making meaning of it all with the goal of fostering resilience and personal strengths.”
In her work with children, Katie’s primary mode is creative play. “Play, the work of childhood (but so important for all ages!), is a wonderful vehicle for expression, stress relief, connection, understanding, learning and growth; I have over ten years of experience working with and learning within the play of children.”
With adolescents and young adults, she shifts focus; here, the emphasis is on “supporting critical thinking, defining the self, facilitating discernment (career, relationships, schooling, etc.) and supporting the important work of differentiation and individuation unique to this time of life.”
Born here in Washington, Katie received her B.A. in Psychology from Gonzaga University and went east to Smith College for her M.S.W. Prior to joining the staff at Samaritan Center, she was Clinical Supervisor for Kindle Farm School in Newfane, VT. While completing the final work for full licensure in the State of Washington, Katie offers her services on a cash basis (to include sliding scale). She sees clients at the main office, on Ravenna Blvd.
For more information on Katie Geiser, see her profile on this site.

Once upon a time, when one of my sons was an exchange student in Austria, this happened:

Sixteen-year-old Chris believed that Rice Crispy treats were the best dessert in the world. You probably know what I’m talking about — marshmallows melted in butter, then stirred into the snap crackle and pop cereal?  Well, somewhere during that year abroad, he mentioned that they didn’t have marshmallows in Austria.  A geographic design flaw, certainly.  In response, I sent Chris a bag of marshmallows and a box of Rice Crispy cereal so that he could make the best dessert in the world for his host family.  I thought it was a brilliant idea.  I still do.

But here’s the thing: as the years passed and family stories were told and retold, this became the story:  “Other mothers sent actual cookies to their kids,” Chris said. “My mom sent me the ingredients.”

This wasn’t the first (or last) time I felt like a flawed mother. On reflection, however, I’m thinking that Chris was accurately describing my parenting philosophy.  Parents are responsible for coming up with the right ingredients. The outcome — in this case, the cookies – also depends on what the child does with those ingredients. Another brilliant idea, don’t you think?

I don’t mean to imply that parenting is simple or time-limited. It’s certainly not a matter of “Here you go, kid. I’m outta here.” For me, the intriguing thing about parenting is its complexity, its durability and the way it constantly changes shape. It’s about the relationship between two particular people over time.

I once had the image of a teeter totter on a school playground.  When a child is small, the weight is all on the parent’s end and those little child legs are dangling in the air.  As the child grows up, the teeter totter evens out and both sets of legs can touch the ground as needed.  Later on, as the parent ages, the weight shifts toward the adult child’s end and sometimes it’s the parent’s legs that are dangling in the air.

Thinking again about the ingredients idea, I’m imagining that both parent and child, at whatever age and life stage, continue to offer each other ingredients for their relationship. And here again, complexity arises. The ingredients that are offered may not feel to the receiver as if they belong in their imagined recipe. Sometimes one person stops offering or accepting altogether.  Life circumstances change.

Perhaps even modest success relies on our willingness and our ability to continue to show up for the relationship —  reserving judgment, allowing for mistakes, trying to understand one another. That will determine the outcome.

David A. Harrison (1957-2018)

A great friend of Samaritan Center of Puget Sound, David A. Harrison, M.D., Ph.D., passed away on August 3, 2018. We knew him as a deeply caring, wise, and incredibly knowledgeable healer, a psychiatrist of diverse gifts who consulted with Samaritan Center clinicians regularly in the years leading up to his death. He was an Associate Professor at the University of Washington Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, consulting psychiatrist for the Mental Health Integration Program, and an attending physician at the Consult-Liaison and Inpatient Psychiatry Services, UWMC.

Dave was born June 26, 1957, in Castro Valley, CA, the son of Florence (Montana) Harrison and Melvin Harrison (deceased). He attended Livermore High School and graduated from Stanford University with honors. His MD and PhD in nutrition were from the University of California, Davis, and his internship and residency in psychiatry were at Oregon Health and Sciences University. As a UW fellow, he engaged in chaplaincy training and developed mental health training materials for chaplains while a Templeton Foundation-funded Visiting Scholar at the HealthCare Chaplaincy in New York. He was board certified in Neurology and Psychiatry, and in his decade at UW, received numerous awards and contributed extensively through journal articles and presentations.

Dave was passionate about team-based, collaborative, and integrative approaches to mental health care, and committed to providing mental health services for those who were underserved. His extraordinary gifts of intelligence, curiosity, compassion and humility have made a significant difference in the lives of those he touched in his work and personal life. Dave will be deeply missed by his family, colleagues and friends.

A Funeral Mass was celebrated at Blessed Sacrament Church on Saturday, August 18. A reception followed Samaritan Center of Puget Sound (564 NE Ravenna Blvd, Seattle).

On April 10, 2018, Samaritan Center of Puget Sound hosted a festive gathering to celebrate the installation of seven new cisterns at the main office on Ravenna Blvd. This project was a cooperative effort involving Samaritan Center, RainDog Design (contractor), and RainWise (initiator and funder). RainWise is a joint program of Seattle Public Utilities and King County’s Wastewater Treatment Division.

Installation of the cisterns helps control storm water, a significant source of pollution in Lake Washington, Puget Sound, Lake Union, and the Duwamish River. “We take our agency name, in part, from Puget Sound,”said Jim Ramsey, a Samaritan therapist who also oversees the physical plant of the Green Lake office, “so it seemed natural that we play a small part in maintaining the health of an immensely valuable regional resource.”

Samaritan Center of Puget Sound ‘s newly installed cisterns will capture runoff from 100% of their roof area, effectively keeping 30,159 gallons of storm water out of the combined sewer system each year. With the new cistern capacity at Samaritan Center, the RainWise Program now has more than 1400 participants. By channeling storm water runoff from over 40 acres of impervious rooftops to green infrastructure facilities such as rain gardens or cisterns, these properties are keeping millions of gallons of runoff out of the combined storm water/sewer system, and controlling overflows in local water bodies during heavy rains.

Samaritan Center urges other businesses, neighbors, churches, and community organizations in eligible basins to take advantage of this program. Private property owners in the Greenlake, University District, Maple Leaf neighborhoods and many others throughout Seattle are eligible for RainWise rebates. Rebates may cover up to 100 percent of the cost to install a cistern or rain garden.