- Give up the belief that there’s only one RIGHT way to do things. Be willing to consider new possibilities and other ways of looking at the world.
- Try to stay in the present moment, rather than letting yourself slip back into the past or drift into the future. Focus on things you have some control over.
- Accept an appropriate amount of responsibility for maintaining a comfortable and safe emotional “climate” in your home, but don’t get stuck in managing every detail.
- Recognize that everyone gets to feel the way they feel, but make and enforce rules that ensure that people act in ways that are fair and respectful.
- Develop stepparent/stepchild roles gradually and thoughtfully, with the original parent primarily in charge of his/her children, while people are getting used to the changes.
- Accept that parents and their original children will always have a special bond, and that this isn’t necessarily a threat to the newly developing family.
- Resist overburdening particular days or events (birthdays, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, graduations, etc.). Instead, focus on creating good long-term feelings and memories.
- Arrange to have some time alone as a couple EVERY DAY– time to share information, plan and, most important, pay attention to your relationship.
- Insist on some individual time EACH DAY for taking care of yourself. Adults who are responsible for meeting the needs of their children and others on a daily basis can’t run on empty.
- When things look as if they’re getting out of hand, take a deep breath and try to remember which people in the family are the grown-ups and which ones are the kids. Then try hard to behave like a grown-up – and expect the other grown-ups to do so as well.
“Survival Kit for Stepparents”
Posted in Resources, Skills & Tools.