Now more than ever, most of us are spending long stretches of our days at home with loved ones. This brings with it a new possibility for intimacy, and therefore a new possibility to cultivate listening skills.<\/p>\n
In the classic movie, \u201cTwo for the Road,\u201d Albert Finney and Audrey Hepburn\u00a0are\u00a0creeping\u00a0up the stairs to their room.\u00a0 Looking down into the hotel\u2019s dining room, they see a man and a woman sitting in stony silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of people just sit like that without a word to say to each other?\u201d Finney asks.<\/p>\n
\u201cMarried people?\u201d replies Hepburn, with wide eyes and a small, ironic smile.<\/p>\n
Much of my work at Samaritan, and earlier in a retirement community in Arizona, has been with couples.\u00a0 Many of them have been married for 20, 30 or more years.\u00a0 Frequently they tell me that what brings them to therapy is their trouble with communication.<\/p>\n
Over the years,\u00a0couples\u00a0can become experts at pushing each other\u2019s\u00a0hot\u00a0buttons and short-circuiting their\u00a0lines of communication.\u00a0 In the early stages of a relationship,\u00a0they would\u00a0talk for hours, yet they\u00a0find themselves becoming\u00a0more\u00a0distant and, in a way, losing their good manners with each other.<\/p>\n
While what they\u2019re facing isn\u2019t new, it has somehow found a way to break through the surface of their everyday life, and one or both of them feel compelled to deal with it.\u00a0 Coming to therapy is an admission that they need to make some serious changes if they are going to stay married.\u00a0 It\u2019s time to develop more generous ways of talking and listening to each other.<\/p>\n
Listening? What an idea! Most of us grew up thinking that communication is\u00a0all\u00a0about talking, making our point, getting our\u00a0way.\u00a0When couples\u00a0are able to\u00a0shift\u00a0their attention to listening\u00a0to each\u00a0other, they\u00a0can\u00a0increase their ability to truly\u00a0understand each other.\u00a0 They can stop having the same old arguments over and over.\u00a0 They can bring respect and warmth into their relationship.<\/p>\n
Maintaining\u00a0healthy\u00a0communication isn\u2019t\u00a0rocket science, but it does require effort.\u00a0 Here are some tips:<\/p>\n