![\"\"](\"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-content\/uploads\/\u200cIngredients-photo-300x189.jpg\")
Once upon a time, when one of my sons was an exchange student in Austria, this happened:<\/p>\nOnce upon a time, when one of my sons was an exchange student in Austria, this happened:<\/p>\n
Sixteen-year-old Chris believed that Rice Crispy treats were the best dessert in the world. You probably know what I\u2019m talking about — marshmallows melted in butter, then stirred into the snap crackle and pop cereal?\u00a0 Well, somewhere during that year abroad, he mentioned that they didn\u2019t have marshmallows in Austria.\u00a0 A geographic design flaw, certainly. \u00a0In response, I sent Chris a bag of marshmallows and a box of Rice Crispy cereal so that he could make the best dessert in the world for his host family.\u00a0 I thought it was a brilliant idea.\u00a0 I still do.<\/p>\n
But here\u2019s the thing: as the years passed and family stories were told and retold, this became the story:\u00a0 \u201cOther mothers sent actual cookies to their kids,\u201d Chris said. \u201cMy mom sent me the ingredients.\u201d<\/p>\n
This wasn\u2019t the first (or last) time I felt like a flawed mother. On reflection, however, I\u2019m thinking that Chris was accurately describing my parenting philosophy.\u00a0 Parents are responsible for coming up with the right ingredients. The outcome — in this case, the cookies \u2013 also depends on what the child does with those ingredients. Another brilliant idea, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t mean to imply that parenting is simple or time-limited. It\u2019s certainly not a matter of \u201cHere you go, kid. I\u2019m outta here.\u201d For me, the intriguing thing about parenting is its complexity, its durability and the way it constantly changes shape. It\u2019s about the relationship between two particular people over time.<\/p>\n
I once had the image of a teeter totter on a school playground.\u00a0 When a child is small, the weight is all on the parent\u2019s end and those little child legs are dangling in the air.\u00a0 As the child grows up, the teeter totter evens out and both sets of legs can touch the ground as needed.\u00a0 Later on, as the parent ages, the weight shifts toward the adult child\u2019s end and sometimes it\u2019s the parent\u2019s legs that are dangling in the air.<\/p>\n
Thinking again about the ingredients idea, I\u2019m imagining that both parent and child, at whatever age and life stage, continue to offer each other ingredients for their relationship. And here again, complexity arises. The ingredients that are offered may not feel to the receiver as if they belong in their imagined recipe. Sometimes one person stops offering or accepting altogether.\u00a0 Life circumstances change.<\/p>\n
Perhaps even modest success relies on our willingness and our ability to continue to show up for the relationship — \u00a0reserving judgment, allowing for mistakes, trying to understand one another. That will determine the outcome.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cOther mothers sent actual cookies to their kids,\u201d Chris said. \u201cMy mom sent me the ingredients.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9HFgk-lI","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1346"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1346\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1349,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1346\/revisions\/1349"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/playground\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}