{"id":2567,"date":"2024-03-15T20:12:54","date_gmt":"2024-03-15T20:12:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hmy.bcd.temporary.site\/optima\/?p=2567"},"modified":"2025-10-23T23:44:46","modified_gmt":"2025-10-23T23:44:46","slug":"therapist-corner-2-postpartum-rage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/therapist-corner-2-postpartum-rage\/","title":{"rendered":"Postpartum Rage"},"content":{"rendered":"

Q: I am 3 months postpartum and am shocked by how angry I am all the time. I expected I might feel sad or even depressed after giving birth, but not\u00a0<\/strong>angry. I blow up and yell at my husband all the time, and I\u2019m worried about my baby being around all this anger. I\u2019m not an angry person, and I don\u2019t know why I feel this way. What is wrong with me?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"A: Postpartum rage is not an uncommon experience (see books\u00a0How Not to Hate\u00a0You<\/span>r Hu<\/em>sb<\/em>a<\/em>nd After Kids<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers & the Myth of Equal<\/em>\u00a0Partnership<\/em>). While anger in our society is often seen as a dangerous and destructive emotion that should never be expressed\u00a0(especially for women!), anger often is an indicator of\u00a0unmet needs<\/strong>, limits that are being pushed past, or boundaries that are being violated. Anger is a signal that there is some threat to\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0in the environment.<\/p>\n

The postpartum period is, understandably,\u00a0a prime time for a mother\u2019s needs to go unmet<\/strong>, and often by necessity. Of course,\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0often need to prioritize\u00a0you<\/span>r baby\u2019s needs over\u00a0you<\/span>r own. And\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0absolutely have to place\u00a0you<\/span>r needs high enough up on the priority list that\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0are able be there for\u00a0you<\/span>r family in a whole and healthy way.\u00a0You<\/span>\u00a0can<\/span>not pour from an empty cup.<\/p>\n

With postpartum rage,\u00a0it<\/span>\u00a0is always important to zoom out and\u00a0look at the big picture to see what changes\u00a0can<\/span>\u00a0be made<\/strong>\u00a0to better ensure that\u00a0you<\/span>r basic needs are being met.\u00a0It<\/span>\u00a0is essential that\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0are eating regular meals, getting adequate sleep, and having some (even small) amount of time to\u00a0you<\/span>rself without the responsibility of caring for baby every day.<\/p>\n

For most people, getting at least one stretch of\u00a04 consecutive hours of sleep<\/strong>\u00a0as well as additional hours of broken sleep\u00a0can<\/span>\u00a0make an incredible difference in their mental health and ability to function. Sometimes this means going to sleep early in the evening (if that\u2019s when\u00a0you<\/span>r baby sleeps the longest) or pumping earlier in the day\/supplementing with formula so that\u00a0you<\/span>r partner\u00a0can<\/span>\u00a0feed the baby without waking\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0up if breastfeeding is significantly impacting\u00a0you<\/span>r sleep.<\/p>\n

What supports do\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0have in\u00a0you<\/span>r life? Is\u00a0you<\/span>r partner participating in the care of\u00a0you<\/span>r baby and the home the way\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0need? Do\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0have others in\u00a0you<\/span>r life\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0could enlist for support?\u00a0It<\/span>\u00a0is\u00a0absolutely imperative (and not selfish) to make sure\u00a0you<\/span>r needs are being met<\/strong>\u00a0during this intense first year of\u00a0you<\/span>r baby\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

If\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0are ever concerned that\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0are about to take\u00a0you<\/span>r anger out on\u00a0you<\/span>r baby, always put\u00a0you<\/span>r baby in a safe place (e.g. crib or bassinet) and leave the room.\u00a0It<\/span>\u00a0is ok for\u00a0you<\/span>r baby to cry while\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0take the space\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0need. Call a supportive person in\u00a0you<\/span>r life if\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0are concerned that\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0can<\/span>\u2019t go back to care for\u00a0you<\/span>r baby after taking that space.<\/p>\n

If\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0feel like\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0need extra support figuring out how to make changes to get\u00a0you<\/span>r needs met or don\u2019t know whom to turn to, please reach out for either individual or couples counseling. We would gladly come alongside\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0to figure out how to get\u00a0you<\/span>r needs met so that the anger is no longer needed.<\/p>\n

-Grace Carpenter, MS, LMHC<\/p>\n

Grace Carpenter<\/a> is a therapist at Samaritan Center who\u00a0focuses\u00a0on perinatal, postpartum, and infertility\u00a0concerns.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Welcome to the Therapist’s Corner, a place where people\u00a0can<\/span>\u00a0ask questions about struggles,\u00a0relationships, or the rest of life, and therapists at Samaritan Center\u00a0can<\/span>\u00a0give their quick and\u00a0thoughtful answers. We hope\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0enjoy these responses and find them\u00a0helpful.\u00a0<\/span>If you have a question that could benefit from the thoughts or advice of a trained mental health professional, send\u00a0it<\/span>\u00a0our way at\u00a0contact@hmy.bcd.temporary.site<\/a>\u00a0to have\u00a0it<\/span>\u00a0answered.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am 3 months postpartum and am shocked by how angry I am all the time. I\u2019m not an angry person, and I don\u2019t know why I feel this way. What is wrong with me?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[266,1],"tags":[190,192,191,188,189],"class_list":["post-2567","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-carpenter","category-news","tag-anger","tag-child","tag-infant","tag-mother","tag-postapartum"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2567","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/19"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2567"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2567\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4261,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2567\/revisions\/4261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2567"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2567"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samaritanps.org\/optima\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2567"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}